Autistic girls, sexuality and vulnerability

girlAn autistic vulnerable girl who has discovered her own sexuality can and will believe that if a man wants to sleep with her, has expressed an interest physically in her that he automatically loves her. Every film she has seen of the popular teenage genre compounds it. Take for example the popular Twilight series.

Girl who believes herself to be plain, is socially awkward attracts a boy who is controlling and everyone is against their romance. It’s them against the world and the love they share seems total. Going all the way back to Dirty Dancing the message is always clear and repetitive.

Girl who’s awkward meets a man who will understand them, enhance them and rarely cheat on them or undermine them. Everyone is against the couple yet they rally, stand firm United and win in the end.

“You don’t know your beautiful!” Trills from the radio and they can, and will identify with that.

Now, if you have a girl believing all this and is being told that a man loves her and that she’s special she’s his life she’s everything! She and the love they share is so special that she has to keep it a secret as others wouldn’t understand it, they will and do believe it.

Further include the inability to pre empt actions and intentions with difficulties communicating their own needs coupled with not always comprehending what is being done to them?

You have a target for a Paedophile or an equally undesirable male especially if this man makes them feel protected and reassures them that other girls would never be good enough for him . That if they found out they would be jealous and try to break them up even going as far as to try and take him away from her completely. Thus you have a situation of someone who has insecurities and has felt on the hem of social circles, never completely fitting in. You have the secret, the so called validation that they are special so special they are part of a pact never to be told about.

If your daughter seems to be dressing differently, seems secretive yet troubled and possibly talks about inappropriate subjects she shouldn’t have knowledge of let the alarm bells ring. Demand to meet all friends and check their face book and Twitter accounts. If they wish to stay out at a friends check where and speak to the friends mother to check.

It should also be said that not only males victimise and gas light sexually, females are equally capable of victimisation.

Go through very carefully with your daughter what is acceptable with physical contact from a male and what is not. Be mindful of birth control and above all keep all communication open and free flowing.

Compound that nothing is ever a secret from you, and that if is and they have been asked not to tell you something she needs to question why.

Editor’s Note:  Opinions expressed by Autism Daily Newscast Contributors are their own.

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About Emma Dalmayne

Emma Dalmayne has been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome along with Synthanesia. She has six children on varying degrees of the most spectrum so easily. When she is not writing exposes as an autistic advocate, her days are spent doing sensory play, reading, outings, and taking them to therapies e.g. play therapy, music therapy, speech, and language.


  1. Jules Akers says:

    Very important article. If we are supportive and vigilant to our autistic daughters we will stop another generation of victims.

  2. I was diagnosed with Asperger at the age of 17 but received no information and proper help until I was 21…When I was 18 I got my so far only boyfriend, and it took me 6 months to become comfortable enough around him to let him touch my stomach on top of my clothing. We were, dare I say, extreme Christians at the time, and so sex was out of the question. I enjoyed being with him, but I never experienced any sexual desire with him. I tried fantasizing about him to no avail. He ended up dumping me with the sentence: “It’s your diagnosis that has gotten too tiresome, but it isn’t your fault.” I’ve been single for the past 7 years whereas he got married in January.
    All my life I’ve heard “because of your situation, this will be difficult for you….” and “this is tricky for you because of…” . Never did I hear anyone tell me I could do it. That I was talented. That I was beautiful. A friend praised me for having “managed” to stay a virgin for so long. My answer was: “It’s easy as long as you hate every inch of your body and also know that you crave physical contact but at the same time is terrified of it.”